My Darkest Time Of My Life

Hi, folks!
Sorry if I kinda neglecting my blog. But I've been through my darkest time when I lost all my rays of hope. Yeah, unfortunately my beloved mom passed away that September. And since then I just can't find the purpose of my life. For me, my mom is my everything. And losing my mom makes my life base crumbled.

Actually I don't want to share this gloomy story, but I kinda miss writing in my blog. To tell you the truth, until now I think I still have unstable mental. Still there are times when I miss my mom and start crying and whining and feel depressed.

I am 20 years old and yet I still crying and whining. Yeah, I admit it. Nowadays I just make myself busy in fantasy world called movies or drama. My internship report has been neglected. I kinda become antisocial nowadays.

It's not that I want it that way. But I can't find any motivation for me to move on life and start a new fresh. The old me had a spirit to be success and make my mom happy, so she can bragging to everyone that she has a daughter like me. All my life I've spend to becoming the best just for my mom. Graduate from a good school with good score, being the A-straight girl. Yeah, because all I can do for my mom is study-study-and-study.

And now my life base is gone, I can't find a spirit within me to start. People might say to me for move on and become a successful woman for my mom. Yeah, I know. But theory is easier to say than do. It still hard for me to move on.

I will start writing again, I promise you, but I can't say when I am ready for it.

All I know is it is not now.

Not now.